WICHITA, KS — Ember Hill Jiu-Jitsu, a strip-mall academy tucked between a vape shop and a place that sells used tires but isn’t quite clear on whether it’s still in business, celebrated its 15-year anniversary this weekend with a three-minute Instagram reel honoring the three original students still training at the gym.
All three are related to the owner.
The video, set to a slowed-down acoustic cover of ‘Landslide’ and shot on an iPhone 12 that head instructor Benji Kowalski has been meaning to replace since his wife bought him a 15 for Christmas, opens on a sweeping drone shot of the parking lot, which contains four vehicles, one of which belongs to the Jersey Mike’s next door. The caption reads: ‘This is what community looks like.’
First on the tribute list is Devin Kowalski, 41, brown belt, retired carpenter, and Benji’s younger brother. Devin attends Tuesdays and Thursdays, sometimes Saturdays if the weather is bad enough that he doesn’t feel like going fishing. He has asked to pay in firewood since 2019. Benji has accepted firewood as payment since 2019. Last winter, Benji’s house was heated entirely by the unchoked collar grips of his brother’s monthly dues. The gym has never issued Devin a W-9.
Second on the list is Marco Kowalski, 47, brown belt, practicing CPA, and Benji’s older brother. Marco trains twice a month and strictly on technique nights. He has never rolled a live round in his entire BJJ career, a fact that Benji clipped from the anniversary video during the final edit, along with the section where Marco explains on camera that he ‘doesn’t really like to get sweaty’ and ‘came in tonight because Benji said he’d buy the beer.’ Marco also does the gym’s taxes. This is how Benji knows the gym’s net lifetime profit over 15 years is $38,000. It is written in pencil on the back of an envelope in a shoebox in the office closet. Marco has been meaning to scan it.
Third on the list is Benji Kowalski himself — 43, third-degree black belt under a guy who got his black belt under a guy who once shook Rickson Gracie’s hand at a 1998 seminar in Tulsa. Benji is the owner, the head instructor, the photographer on the anniversary video, the voice-over narrator, the colorist, the editor, the person who uploaded it, and the person who responded ‘thank you brother’ to all 52 comments. He is, per the video’s own list, one of the three original students.
In the past 15 years, 847 students have passed through Ember Hill’s doors. 846 have since left. The one remaining non-family member, a white belt named Terrence who signed up in February, has not yet been informed that he is now the gym’s fourth-longest-tenured active student.
Lifetime gross revenue, per the envelope: $1,421,000.
Lifetime net profit: $38,000.
This figure includes the seven years Benji paid himself in gi samples, the four years he paid himself in ‘experience,’ and the one year he accidentally paid his landlord twice in October because he was rolling in jiu-jitsu brain fog and had already paid rent in late September.
Of the 52 comments on the anniversary video, 41 are from family members of the three originals. Eighteen are from Benji’s wife, Danielle, who at various points in the evening posted ‘so proud of you baby,’ ‘love this honey,’ and ‘15 YEARS BABYYYYY’ from three separate Instagram accounts that she forgot were all logged into her phone simultaneously. One of those accounts belongs to her sister. Her sister lives in Phoenix and has never been to the gym.
Two comments are from Marco’s teenage daughter, Lainey, who wrote ‘SO PROUD OF YOU UNCLE BENJI!!!’ followed by nine clap emojis, and thirty seconds later posted ‘wait sorry dad i meant you too’ in a separate comment.
Three comments are from Devin’s girlfriend, Trish, who wrote a 400-word paragraph about how jiu-jitsu saved Devin from ‘the depression spiral of retirement’ and ‘gave him back a sense of purpose,’ neglecting to mention that Devin has also taken up competitive cornhole and is currently ranked fourth in the Butler County Cornhole League.
One comment is from a bot account called @rashguard_premium_discount_official promoting a knockoff rashguard brand that spells ‘Brazilian’ with three A’s. Benji responded to this comment with three flame emojis and a link to the gym’s Google review page.
One comment is from a former student named Kyle, who attended Ember Hill from 2017 to 2019 before moving to Colorado, and who was writing not to congratulate Benji but to ask if the commercial space was available to sublet on the afternoon of June 14th because his daughter’s birthday party venue had fallen through and he remembered the gym had ‘that big open area in the back.’ Benji has not yet responded to this comment. Benji’s daughter saw it. Benji’s daughter now understands her father’s business on a level she did not previously.
At the post-ceremony dinner — held at Applebee’s and attended by six people, all Kowalskis or married to Kowalskis — Benji delivered a toast in which he described the three originals as ‘the backbone of this gym’ and said that he could ‘feel the lineage radiating from each of them.’ Marco, holding a margarita, nodded slowly. Devin, eating a riblet, said ‘yep’ without looking up. Benji’s daughter, 11, asked if she could have Benji’s phone to play Roblox. Benji handed her the phone.
In a quieter moment after the toast, Devin pulled Benji aside and mentioned that he’d be slightly delayed on the next firewood delivery because his splitter was in the shop. Benji said that was fine. Marco, overhearing, told Benji that as a matter of principle he should really start charging Devin in dollars. Benji looked at Marco. Marco was drinking Benji’s margarita. Benji said okay.
A second anniversary reel has already been drafted for the sixteen-year mark. Benji’s current working title is ‘Sixteen Years of Family.’ The draft has been saved in his phone since the ten-year anniversary. He has been swapping the number out each year.
At press time, Ember Hill Jiu-Jitsu had one remaining new student inquiry from the week — a guy named Jason who had emailed asking about class times and youth pricing for his nephew. Benji is planning to respond on Monday. Benji plans to respond on Monday to a lot of things.
He will instead respond to Kyle about the birthday party.