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Privacy Policy

Last updated: April 13, 2026

The Short Version

We're a satire site about jiu-jitsu. We are not harvesting your data to build a dossier. We use cookies because the internet requires them, we run ads because servers cost money, and we collect basic analytics because we'd like to know if anyone is actually reading this. That's it.

Who We Are

The Porra is a BJJ satire publication operated by BJJ Problems. Our website address is https://theporra.com.

If you need to reach us about anything privacy-related, email privacy@bjjproblems.com.

What Data We Collect

Analytics

We use Google Analytics to understand how people use the site — which pages get read, how long people stay, what country they're in, and whether anyone has ever scrolled past the first paragraph. This data is aggregated and anonymized. We cannot identify you personally from it. We don't want to.

Advertising

We use Google AdSense to serve ads. Google may use cookies to serve ads based on your prior visits to this site or other sites. You can opt out of personalized advertising by visiting Google's Ad Settings or aboutads.info.

Third-party ad vendors, including Google, use cookies to serve ads based on your browsing history. We do not control these cookies and have no access to the data they collect.

Cookies

We use cookies for:

  • Analytics (Google Analytics)
  • Advertising (Google AdSense and its partners)
  • Basic site functionality

You can disable cookies in your browser settings. The site will still work. The ads might get weirder.

Comments and Contact

We do not have a comment system. If you email us, we'll have your email address. We will not sell it, share it, or add you to a list. We might reply. We might not. Depends on the email.

What We Don't Collect

  • Your belt rank
  • How many times you've been tapped this week
  • Whether you wash your gi after every session (you should)
  • Payment information (we don't sell anything)
  • Personal health data
  • Anything that would require us to hire a compliance officer

Third-Party Services

We use the following third-party services that may collect data independently:

Children's Privacy

This site is not directed at children under 13. We do not knowingly collect data from minors. If you are under 13 and reading BJJ satire, we're honestly impressed, but please get a parent involved.

Your Rights

If you're in the EU (GDPR), California (CCPA), or anywhere else with privacy legislation that has a cool acronym, you have the right to:

  • Request what data we have about you (it's probably just analytics cookies)
  • Request deletion of that data
  • Opt out of personalized advertising
  • Lodge a complaint with your local supervisory authority

To exercise any of these rights, email privacy@bjjproblems.com. We'll respond within 30 days. Faster if it's a slow news week.

Changes to This Policy

We may update this policy if we add new services or if the legal landscape changes. We'll update the date at the top. We will not send you a 47-paragraph email about it.