MESA, AZ — Travis Holmquist, 34, a three-week white belt at Sonoran Submission Arts, confirmed Monday that he has “no regrets” about his longstanding personal policy of never tapping, adding that the policy remains in effect and that he will “probably be back on the mat by summer.”
Holmquist, who watched approximately forty hours of YouTube instructional content before his first class, had communicated his stance clearly to training partners at signup. “I told them I’m here to test myself,” he said from what sources describe as “a recliner, in a specific position.” “You don’t find your limits by quitting.”
His limits, it turned out, were findable by an intermediate blue belt named Derek who was “just trying to have a chill Thursday.”
Derek, who applied what he describes as a “pretty slow armbar,” stated that he felt resistance, heard something, and immediately let go. “I gave him like three full seconds,” Derek said. “I looked him in the eye. He shook his head no.” Derek has reportedly been in contact with a sports therapist about what he is calling his own “emotional injury.”
Head instructor Marco Reyes issued a brief statement noting that the gym’s waiver “covers this” and that the gym “strongly encourages all students to tap early and tap often.” He declined to confirm whether the waiver includes a specific section on philosophical objections to submission acknowledgment, but sources say it does now.
Holmquist remains firm. He is currently researching single-arm guard retention systems and has begun asking training partners if they “do anything from the bottom that doesn’t use both arms.”
This article is satire. The Porra is a fictional publication. Any resemblance to your actual training partner is purely because there is always one.