Kyle Vandermeer, 31, a digital marketing consultant from Scottsdale, Arizona, announced this week that he has no regrets about the $400 procedure that gave him the authentic cauliflower ear he always wanted, clarifying only that he is still “getting around to” learning what a triangle choke actually is.
Vandermeer, who has attended eleven jiu-jitsu classes at Desert Ridge Combat Sports over four months — missing several due to “travel” and what he describes as “a thing” — told friends the procedure was a necessary investment in his identity as a grappler.
“People look at you differently on the mat when you have that ear,” said Vandermeer, gesturing to the lumpy mass of cartilage on the left side of his head that Dr. Reginald Houk, a cosmetic surgeon in Chandler who describes himself as “procedure-agnostic,” shaped and injected over a single Friday afternoon in March. “They know you’ve been in some wars.”
He has been in zero wars. He tapped to a 14-year-old girl in week three and hasn’t rolled with anyone since, citing “nagging shoulder stuff.”
The procedure, which Dr. Houk offers alongside lip filler and jawline contouring under the menu heading “Athletic Aesthetics,” involves injecting a medical-grade gel compound into the outer ear cartilage to create the swollen, irregular appearance common among wrestlers and grapplers who have sustained repeated trauma to the ear. It lasts approximately 18 months. Vandermeer received a Groupon discount and paid in two installments.
“Cauliflower ear is a badge of honor in combat sports,” said Dr. Houk, who does not train jiu-jitsu and has never attended a grappling event. “This gentleman wanted to express his commitment to his practice through his appearance. I’m not here to judge the journey.”
Vandermeer’s training partners at Desert Ridge Combat Sports had thoughts.
“He showed up one week and his ear looked like a beef empanada,” said Marcus Dillow, a purple belt who teaches the Tuesday fundamentals class and has been trying to get Kyle to drill a single basic guard pass for two months. “I asked what happened. He said he’d been training a lot. He’s been here eleven times. I’ve counted.”
Dillow said Vandermeer also recently purchased a gi that he is not washing on purpose, explaining that the smell “adds to the mystique.” The gi, a premium brand with embroidered patches from three different academies Vandermeer says he “kind of trained at” — one of which he visited while on vacation in Bali for six days — has been worn to four classes and twice to a farmers market in Tempe.
When asked by ThePorra to explain what a triangle choke is, Vandermeer described it as “like… where you trap the head. With your legs, kind of. It’s a submission.”
He was given a follow-up question. He said the triangle was “definitely in the advanced curriculum” and that his professor hadn’t “unlocked” it for him yet.
His professor — Marcus Dillow — teaches the triangle choke in week two.
Vandermeer’s Instagram account, @kylegrappz (1,847 followers), features eleven posts related to jiu-jitsu: seven are closeups of the new ear from flattering angles, two are photos of his gi folded on a chair, one is a motivational quote attributed to Hélio Gracie that appears to have been invented, and one is a video of Vandermeer holding a competition bracket at a tournament he attended as a spectator. The caption reads: “The grind doesn’t stop. #bjj #grapplerlife #cauliflower.”
He has not competed. The bracket was from the Kids’ Gi Division at a local tournament. His image appears in the background of someone else’s photo.
ThePorra spoke to Vandermeer’s training partners at a gym social in April, where he made the disclosure voluntarily, after three beers, describing the procedure as “honestly a life hack.” Nobody there seemed thrilled.
“I want to be supportive,” said Jenna Okafor, a blue belt who has trained for two years and whose own left ear is developing the early swelling that comes from eighteen months of mat time and zero ear guards. “But my ear genuinely hurts. I iced it for a week. And he paid someone in Chandler to give him that. So.”
She paused.
“He also told someone at the farmers market he was a mid-level competitor. He has competed zero times.”
Vandermeer says he’s “seriously considering” the next local tournament in the area, scheduled for September. He hasn’t decided on his division yet, adding that he needs to “learn a few more things first,” including what a division is.
When asked whether he felt any obligation to develop the skill set his appearance implies, Vandermeer said he’d recently been watching a lot of competition footage and felt “pretty close” to understanding the game.
“The ear is like a statement of intent,” he said. “I’m committed to this. That’s what it represents.”
He then asked whether guard pulling was considered “kind of a bitch move” or whether that was “a different thing,” and whether the answer would change if you were doing it in no-gi.
Marcus Dillow, who overheard this exchange, said nothing and walked directly to his car.
Vandermeer is currently shopping for a black rashguard that looks “kind of ADCC-ish” and has bookmarked a video on triangles that he plans to watch “probably this weekend.”
The ear looks great.